Thε Expløsiøи
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Friday, September 9, 2011
I know I have plans this upcoming Sunday, yet, I didn't study today...
Was using the computer, playing the fucking alluring piano. Then, I started tearing up...
Strolled demurely into the balcony, looked up at the calming skies... Went into deep thought...
SUICIDAL THOUGHTS...
... Why is this happening...
I really, really can't take it anymore... Yet, I won't do it... I don't want to hurt anyone... (including myself)
Fear of heights, Fear of pain, Fear of death... 3 main factors preventing me from leaping off the 14th floor and ending my misery... FML. seriously. I don't know what is wrong, but I sense that things are amiss...
Thursday, September 8, 2011
What am I becoming...
Diverging from social norms in all aspects.
I don't know myself anymore...
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
Piano.
Black & White, that's what you are.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Couldn't ask for anything else.
Neither a face nor limbs you have,
Just a hard shell from the outside.
Opened you up, and surprises await.
Soft to the touch, pleasant to the ear.
Music.
Literal gibberish, from your As,Bs,Cs to your Gs, arranged into a magical composition.
Alone, you are nothing, Together, you're everything.
Like a journey to another world.
Lost in rhythm, one with time,
amalgamation, you and I.
My hands lead the way, your strings take the lead, splendid partnership.
Like one indulging in a performance, slowly being immersed into a world of enchantment.
Here I am, in my Sanctuary.
Kenneth.
Why am I suddenly so attached to it?...
Learned my lesson.
Never wait in relationships.
That special someone might get stolen.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Well, the pot called the kettle black.
He can socialize with people online, but when I do it, he scolds me? pffft.
And I can't believe he said this to me:
Nah if you can treat your friends like shit and still have the audacity to call them your friends, I don't see how they can be more important than your online friends, those you bother to be cautious with, whom you have movie dates with, holding up the perfect, untarnished, relationship.
Like dude, seriously, look at yourself.
Fine, fine, I understand. Cynical Asshole.
Haiz, I question these happenings sometime, and their origins.
Oh well, back to blogging.
Reminiscing my past, decided to venture back, into memory lane.
Oh the glitter, the laughter, the jubilant hullabaloo & antics.
I miss them ever so much.
Why didn't I treasure my secondary school friends?
And apparently now, I'm doing the same, to my AC friends.
It's just me and my, egoistic mentality.
Somehow or rather, I'll always find ACSians superficial.
Why?
I can never stop asking why?
I know I'm being totally full of myself, its so obvious, that it's literally radiating from me.
Pessimistic thoughts constantly wreck my mind.
Can't do well in anything... Swim, Lifeguards, Studies.
Losing friends (Losing touch / Keeping in-touch. heh!, same thing)
I thought I completely managed to forget you (Yes you, the one I got the teddy bear for from Southampton, United Kingdom) PS: I totally regret giving it to you. It was meant for someone I could love, someone I thought I could count on (The breaking up part was partially my fault though)
Before I gave it to you, I had a hard time deciding who to give it to. Glistening, deep, obsidian black eyes. Soft, amber fur. And, a heart, a really really big heart.
For the girl I had a crush on for 3years, or for the guy who made my first 2months of ACJC really special...
Oh well. Now I'm single again (Totally deserve it). My crushes, I personally know (it's a gut feeling) won't turn into reality.
Regarding Academics...
Why did I get 7 points for O Level? Why?
I'm really undeserving of it. I'm not, putting in my best effort to study.
argh.... everything is really, really distracting...
My mind is in such a whirl right now... Thoughts (Pain, Regret, Horny stuff)...
I promised myself I give it my all. But now, I know, that is going to eventually, be broken.
Labels: Bleeding soul. Crying Heart, Stressed Out